Wow! This still exists? Amazing! I was a little bit curious since we just discovered the other day that our MySpace pictures are still up and available for a quick, hilarious, and usually embarrassing jog down memory lane. If you’re like me and you haven’t changed your email address basically since well forever, you should get them to send you your password. You won’t regret it–or maybe you will, but it will be in the best possible way.
But seriously. It’s been almost six years since I’ve written anything on here and that’s really just a damn shame. So I figured I would rectify that–you know, since no one is reading it anymore anyway and it’s basically now just like a virtual diary for all of my word vomit to spew forth. 🙂 Or something. (Especially seeing as how you can’t even connect your Facebook account anymore? I call bullshit on that).
So….where to start….where to start….
It’s been a hard six years. That’s not a complaint–hardships give us strength. It’s just an observation…and an entirely inadequate one at that. So yeah, it’s been a hard six years. And I’m probably not the only one who thinks that. And nostalgia kind of alleviates that a little bit. You know, the way that Advil kind of takes the edge off but still leaves you in tears? Anyway, I guess that’s really why I’m here now. Nostalgia is my Advil today.
Because this year is really, really damn hard.
I’m not even going to get into all of the crazy shit going on in my life–the stuff the world is dealing with is more than enough to focus on for now I think.
So……
Dear Internet Diary,
I am horribly and terribly and unendingly lonely. Because, social distancing. Yeah, that’s so not my style and this whole COVID 19 thing needs to end like yesterday. You see, I’m an introvert. So I should be loving this, right? I mean we have all seen the six thousand memes about how introverts were made for this, right? Well, I’m here to tell you that every single one of them is a damn lie. We were *not* made for this. Not at all. Introverts are made for it for like the first week maybe two. But after that? After that we have a huge problem. You see, we aren’t chatty. We aren’t the kind of people to call you on the phone or to send lots of texts or to scream conversations across the street at the neighbors. We are awkward and shy and weird. And none of that translates to making the first move in a conversation of any kind. Then comes the crux. Because we are introverts, the rest of the world sees those same six thousand memes and assumes that we are doing great. But in reality? Man. This sucks.
…I miss the thirty second “Morning” conversations with my favorite coworkers–the ones where you never say “Good” with it because mornings are never “good”…
…I miss small talk with the cashier at Walmart about how rude the person in front of me was and how society is failing…
…I miss walks at the park where the dogs stop to lick all of the strangers and I apologize for a minute or two for Frank’s exuberance and Woody Oliver Godzilla III’s refusal to be touched…
…Hell, at this point I even miss meetings that could have been an email. (Don’t lie, you know that you do too)…
I miss humanity.
Yeah, that’s a good way to put it.
So I logged in here on a whim, and mostly because it’s Easter and you’re supposed to be with family on Easter, not self-isolating for the fourth or fifth or however many weeks it has been. So. I went and read a bunch of old posts out of boredom and too much Sparkletini and they made me all teary. Especially that last one. Yeah that was a mess. Because damnit I really need more hellos right now. And so does the rest of the world. Far, far too many people are having to say goodbyes right now and it just breaks my heart. So I guess I just felt like I needed to stop in and say, “GOOD MORNING! GOOD EVENING! HI! HELLO! WHAT’S UP?! BON JOUR!!!!! MOSHI MOSHI! HOLA!!!!! ALOHA!!!!!!!”
Yeah, just hello. A fuck ton of hellos.
Lots and lots and lots of them. Because we need them now more than ever.
Sincerely yours,
The Butcher of the Bard
(Because I can’t remember why I was calling myself that and it makes me laugh. And laughter is also something we could all use more of)
Prompts & Circumstances 