Over the last two days, I have come to realize that I am in fact quite rude. I’ve always had my suspicions, but I’ve never given them much attention. Instead, I’ve always ignored those little moments of mine as byproducts of the German blood flowing through my veins. However, after telling off three people in two days for one thing, I think I’ve been forced to reevaluate that assumption…
It started yesterday when I went off to Bakersfield to visit my cousin. My brother is a smoker–a fact that I am not at all happy about. My cousin is also a smoker–I think anyway…and this does not amuse me either. So yesterday, I was very annoyed with the both of them for habitually and wilfully ruining their lungs. But I didn’t take it out on them….oh no….I had much bigger fish to fry…
We were shopping at the mall and I was carrying my niece for my sister since she needed a break. We were walking outside and suddenly, there he was: A Smoker…
He was sitting on a bench right next to the freaking door! I mean, how could he possibly think that was okay?! So I covered my niece’s face as best as I could, put on my best sugary voice and said, “You know, it’s really rude to smoke right next to the door like that. You’re giving my niece second-hand lung cancer.”
I tactfully didn’t mention that it was also illegal. And you know what? He was actually cool about it. He apologized and everything!
Then about ten steps away I found another one doing the same bloody thing! Honestly, what kind of people live in Bakersfield anyway?! I was pissed–he was the second one in literally less than thirty seconds. And he totally deserved my wrath. So I told him off too. Instead of apologizing though, he just looked at me. I was livid so I called him an asshole and went off on a tirade about him for the next minute or so. Okay, maybe it was a little bit rude…but still!!
The third time happened just a little while ago–at work…with a customer. I was checking someone in who is in town for a kid’s baseball tournament. His kids were standing right next to him. This idiot customer walked up and tried to push them out of his way saying, “Give me change.”
I rolled my eyes and moved over to the guy I was checking in and said, “I’ll be right with you.”
I was proud of myself too since it only came out sounding slightly clipped.
Then he had the nerve to stick a cigarette in his mouth–right there in front of me. Granted, he didn’t light it. However, we’re a NON-SMOKING hotel. That means no cigarettes in the open period–lit or otherwise. I glared at him, thinking he’d understand. He was too dumb though and he just looked back at me!
I was pissed.
The good customer I was trying to check in was getting pretty pissed too. I could tell that he was thinking bad things about not only the idiot, but about the hotel too for letting him stay here. Of course, this only made me more pissed off. So I snapped at him, “Take that out of your mouth. We don’t allow cigarettes in here and I can’t have you doing that in my lobby.”
He looked confused and made no move to put it away.
“I. Meant. Now.” I ground out.
“But it’s not lit…” he said.
“I didn’t ask if it was lit. I said put it away. Now.” I said in my most dangerous voice.
He did it and then he stalked off to his room, tossing over his shoulder a sulky, “I’m going to tell on you!”
Seriously? What are we, five?!
I know I looked as angry as I was so I apologized to my good customers for having to see that. It didn’t come out sounding very nice, but they didn’t seem to care. They actually thanked me for “being willing to be rude.” The father told me that his theory is that the world would be a much better place if there were more people like me willing to tell people how it is.
So yeah, I’m rude. So what? I happen to be damn proud of it. You know what they say about dirty jobs and all…
Now, I have no problem with people who smoke–I know a lot of very respectful people who just so happen to smoke. I do however have a huge problem with people who smoke and also suffer from varying degrees of idiocy.
For their sake–as well as mine–I have crafted a list of rules. Kindly follow them and people like me won’t have to ruin your day:
- Do NOT smoke right next to a door. Not only is it illegal in California, it is also very rude.
- Do NOT smoke in front of other people’s children. Your kids may be your property, but their’s are not. So kindly stop trying to kill them. (Actually, you shouldn’t smoke in front of yours either unless you want to pay really big medical bills and still have them suffer and maybe even die. It’s just not good parenting…)
- Do NOT flaunt your addiction in a non-smoking facility. It doesn’t make you look cool. It just makes people irritated.
- If you must smoke in public, be polite about it. People are a lot more willingly to overlook your habit if you offer up a “Mind if I smoke?” before lighting up.
- If the answer to the question posed in rule # 4 is “Hell yes I mind!”, then don’t smoke by that person. It won’t kill you to walk away from them–but they might kill you if you stay.
- If you screw up, apologize and then move to rectify the situation.
- Do NOT complain about your health problems while smoking. No one will sympathize with you, you lunatic!
- Do NOT complain about being charged for smoking in a non-smoking room. Hello! Can’t you read? Besides, you initialed the damn paper!!
- If you’re at a concert, and the person next to you has watery eyes, a runny nose, and keeps puffing on an inhaler every two seconds then maybe you shouldn’t smoke next to them. Common sense people!
- NEVER blow smoke at a non-smoker intentionally. Period. That’s just NOT OKAY!
And…well….that’s it for now. I do however reserve the right to amend that list in response to further acts of stupidity. Just follow the rules–which really shouldn’t even have to have been explained in the first place!–and we’ll all get along just fine…
If you can’t do that, just remember that rude people like me are out there…and we’re damn proud of ourselves too!
The Butcher of the Bard